The last couple of days have felt like a cinematic time warp. I have “felt” like 2018 Taryn while running, i.e. not in pain, and consistently moving at a decent clip during workouts, but with the heart and mind of 2020 Taryn, i.e. I appreciate my health and fitness much more now that I have lived through a year or so of physical and emotional setbacks. However, along with this uplifting story arc, I have lost all of competitive drive. I have zero ambition to compete against anyone, not even myself, I am simply content and appreciative to be feeling “good.”
I wonder if this blissed out version of myself is the real me? Or, if I will soon succumb to the stressed out version of myself who is only satisfied with improvement?
Earlier today, post-breakthrough swim workout.
I wrote down many words, over many hours to answer that question, dang, there is a lot to unpack… In fact, so much so that this will be a week that I will not post everything, because even if I hit emotional pay dirt, sometimes it is too much to share.
Nevertheless, when the ink on the page is surprising, and some words are painful to see, it is always worth settling into, and writing out honest, yet stressful feelings, because those are the ones we grow and gain the most strength from.
The song and video choice this week is the fun and poignant tune from Maren Morris, “The Bones.”
P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Lynne Caraway!!
