We must act with accountability, humility, and scrupulous honesty to set our egos aside, and understand how to employ our gifts and talents, but at the same time recognize that we can never know everything. - Mike Hayes, Never Enough
While pedaling south on Pacific Coast Highway during mile 72 of an 86 mile ride last Saturday, punching up a slight rise in the road before a sharp left turn down toward Pt. Mugu, frustrated with being frustrated all morning, I tucked down into my aero position, looked toward the ocean to my right, and finally felt present.
Close proximity to the ocean is free therapy at its finest.
I was excited to ride fast that morning, but a lame night of sleep coupled with an overzealous cup of coffee curtailed my speedy dreams about ten miles into the ride. I was annoyed and disappointed that my fitness let me down, but emotionally I felt solid, a feat nothing short of a massive breakthrough.
*This is when I know there is another book in me to write.*
My hub, Marion, and our only child left at home, Blueberry Wheat.
For years I felt guilty about being away from my family all day to train. Especially during the years when Hannah was young, and Marion worked 100+ hour work weeks. Guilt and anxiety would manifest in the form of tight, shallow breathing on long rides, as I felt pulled in opposite directions of where I should be and where I wanted to be.
Those waves of overwhelm have receded and crashed down in various ways over the last decade or so, Hannah is grown up, and Marion still works an insane amount of hours, but he’s at home doing it. Still, I haven’t felt comfortable, or rather justified pursuing my own passions and purpose until very recently. But a massive life highlight that came out of this COVID year was spending hours talking through big conversations that Marion and I have stumbled with in the past, but we couldn't stagnate this year, we had to face them and force our way through them.
Later that afternoon, while sullenly eating my way through our kitchen, Marion reassured me that I was just tired, that I always had a day like this during the beginning of Ironman training, and that next weekend I’d come home cheering about how great I felt and what a beautiful day it was, and since he has been a season ticket holder for every one of my triathlon seasons, I think he’s onto something.
BIG Birthday shout outs to my sister, Jen Cosgrove, and my niece and Goddaughter, Kate Kelly.
The song and video choice today is one of the best songs ever written, Tracy Chapman’s, Fast Car.