For the last handful of days, I have been really out of it. The timing certainly makes sense, I usually hit a wall of exhaustion about four weeks into heavy training, and that is where (I think?) I am now preparing for Ironman St. George. But I have been sleeping longer (better?) than typical IM builds, and eating plenty of calories to fuel me through each workout, (please see previous nutrition post) yet I have been paralyzed trying diagnose what exactly is really bothering me?
And the lingering feeling of self-doubt has not lifted.
Until a few minutes ago, (it’s Tuesday afternoon), when I realized, or finally gave in to the fact that it was something someone said to me last week that sliced right through to the core of my inner being; slashing my self-worth, cracking my heart, and jabbing my Achilles heel along its path.
SIDE NOTE: There is no way the person who said those hurtful words meant any harm, (or will read this post), but I am both blessed and cursed with a piercingly sharp memory, I don’t forget anything, especially words that hurt my feelings. Good times!!
A flat front tire during my ride on Saturday did not help firm up my shaky confidence.
Moreover, there is no need to repeat what they said, it doesn’t matter, because it shouldn't matter what anyone says to us if we have strong enough convictions and confidence in our beliefs, actions, and methodology for how we live our lives.
Obviously, I am not quite there yet.
I thought I was beyond feeling jilted and/or “not enough” for decisions I have made over the last forty-two+ years, but clearly I am not 100% certain if an innocent question wrecked me for days.
Post not-so-great Sharpie-required run last Wednesday.
Meanwhile, the upside of being cut down the quick like that, was it gave me an opportunity to sit with what I have chosen as the priority vocation my life, and although it may not fit into the Capitalist social norms of the US (and World over), I have faith I am exactly where I want to be, where I am meant to be, doing what I love every day, growing as an athlete and human, and supporting other people to reach their own goals in the endurance universe and beyond.
FUN FACT: Did you know that the Dutch created Capitalism?
The astounding Rachel Peterson post Napa Marathon finish last Sunday.
On a related note, and what falls under the, “I am so lucky and privileged to be a coach” banner, is that my long-time athlete, amazing woman, and breast cancer survivor, Rachel Peterson finished her first post-Cancer marathon last Sunday at the Napa Marathon in gorgeous northern California wine country. Rachel has been through A LOT over the last three years, and her final four weeks of training were especially tough, but she never lost her grit and focus, completed every workout she needed to, and showed up to the starting line on race morning ready to party!!
I am incredibly proud of how she raced, but most of all I am thrilled that she enjoyed the entire experience; the 26.2 miles, and every step leading up to the finish line. I cannot wait to share in the many more adventures Rachel has ahead of her!
Finally, since it is #InternationalWomensDay, a day to amplify women that I am pleased to have recognized by society at large (social media?), I do find it slightly grating and annoying that there is only a single day marked on the calendar to celebrate women, when really, we all know women deserve daily worship. Nevertheless, if such an occasion provides the space to stop and truly acknowledge the amazing women in our lives, wonderful, please do that, today, tomorrow, on Thursday, then on Friday, over the weekend, next week, next month, next year… and on, and on, and on…
"Thank you, Mom!! And ...."
In the spirit of amazing women, the song and video choice this week is my favorite tune from my favorite female singing trio, AND I want to dedicate this song to the indomitable pro-triathlete, multiple FKT record-holder, fellow coach at Biscay Coaching, and exceptional person, Alyssa Godesky, who is currently stomping her way through the Barkley Marathons in Frozen Head State Park in Tennessee.
To read more about Alyssa’s journey to the Barkley Marathons, CLICK HERE:
To watch and listen to Destiny’s Childs’ smashing hit, Survivor, CLICK HERE: